Ok, I have the Indiana Jones theme running through my head already. A large crystal skull, named Solar Ray, yes they actually named it, was ripped off from a new age shop in Claremont, California. It was openly on display with absolutely no security measures in  place. I think California has got be officially the flakiest place on earth. “We have zero shoplifting in here, and I have no idea why anyone would take something as lovely as that,” said Persis Newland, owner of Kindred Spirits. You don’t? Let’s see, does having something really cool for nothing ring a bell. Did his mother really name him Persis? The skull had been on loan and was residing on an altar in the store’s classroom area. “He was on an altar, and he just enjoyed being here,” said employee Kristen Nestor, who supervises the store’s weekly crystal-reading classes. “He participated in our classes.” So far, near as I can tell, he was the smartest one there. I want to know how he actually participated. Did he raise his crystal eyebrow when he wanted to ask a question? The skull was authentic and was believed to be 500 years old and is similar to the one that is in the new upcoming Indiana Jones movie. There is a legend that the Maya possessed 13 of the crystal skulls and when united they would save the earth. It’s the basis of the new Indy movie.  Newland believes that the focus on the film may have prompted the theft. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or Indiana Jones to put that one together. It’s also believed that the skulls can heal and influence natural events. Well, if they influence natural events, they must really be angry lately. Maybe the class they should have been holding for the skull was anger management. “He likes to travel and things like that,” Nestor said. What, does he pack up his little crystal bag and book a flight? Can crystal skulls get visas? “He was here for about four months, just enjoying everyone who comes through here.” Well, it seems that someone enjoyed him a little too much. If it was Mayan, maybe its green card ran out. Instead of stolen he may have been deported. I bet the skull wasn’t getting paid and this was a new age sweat shop. Has anyone called the INS?

A group in San Francisco called the Presidential Memorial commission wants to rename one of the City Sewage Treatment plants the George W Bush Sewage Plant. Considering Bush’s environmental policies, there may be some irony in this. Ordained Minister and activist John Rinaldi, who ran for mayor last year under the name of Chicken John, is one of the sponsors of the petition. I guess the religious right isn’t as impressed with Bush as he thought they were. Rinaldi says it would turn every toilet in San Francisco into a shrine to GW and all of his achievements in his eight years as our Commander-in-Chief. A leader of the local Republican Party, Leo Lacayo says it’s insulting. Howard Epstein, Chairman of the City’s Republican Party says, “it’s just another crazy idea from the weirdo transients that call San Francisco home.” Actually I didn’t know there were Republicans in San Francisco. Organizers have so far collected about 1,100 of the needed 10,000 signatures to get it on the ballot. Republicans say that if it makes it, it has a good chance of passing. Sort of like gas. They call it a waste of time and money. The Republicans should know about that. "This is the best memorial that San Francisco is going to give to George Bush, and he should appreciate it for its face value, for exactly what it is. It's actually the least we can do." Says Rinaldi. The White house says they won’t dignify this with a comment. It doesn’t surprise me that this is one they want kept hush - hush. I expect Rinaldi has his very own Cia agent by now.

South African Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu has signed on to promote a new free legal music download site. Ok, I’m having a hard time picturing the octogenarian Archbishop boogieing to his I-pod in his spare time. I’m having an even harder time picturing him actively promoting a website. Let’s see how this pans out. The website is called welovefreemusic.com. It is a product of S.O.S. Records, Speed of Sound, and intends to offer free MP3 downloads. The idea is to get musicians to put their music up for free, get their music rated by users and then maybe get discovered. Doesn’t Myspace and 27 million other sites already do this? Maybe they think by having the Archbishop onboard a little divine intervention will help their success. Desmond Tutu claims he is a fan of free downloadable music and met the CEO of S.O.S. Records, Steve Nowack, during a chance meeting. More divine intervention? I just can’t picture the Archbishop’s face in an ad in Rolling Stone saying “Yo, check out this bustin’ new site for your jams.” In a statement Tutu says, “I am participating because we all belong to the human family and each human being has been touched by music. Until now there are people who may not have been able to access music because of the barrier of finance. Steve’s project is now going to break down that barrier.” Apparently Tutu hasn’t got online much. I find free downloads everywhere, legal ones. The people who haven’t been able to access music don’t have a computer at all or online capabilities. All I have to say is that I hope he didn’t put any of his personal funds into this. Nowack must have been some smooth talker. Tutu’s celebrity power may get the site some attention, but bringing free music to the world, that’s already been done. I think maybe the initials S.O.S. may be prophetic as to the fate of this one.

Somewhere along the way it seems the memo got lost that since Harry Potter, being a wizard is cool. At a school in Florida, a substitute teacher, Jim Piculas performed a magic trick. He made a toothpick disappear and then reappear. You know the kind of trick a clown does at a birthday party or any amateur magician does for a drink at the bar. Simple right? Apparently not, because the next day he got a phone call from the head supervisor for substitute teachers. He was told "Jim, we have a huge issue. You can't take any more assignments. You need to come in right away." When he asked about it, he says he was told, "You've been accused of wizardry." Big Issue?  Shades of the Ministry of Magic. Now I’ve seen Harry Potter. A toothpick appearing and disappearing does not qualify as wizardry. It barely qualifies as a trick. Though, this does explain the rule against performing magic in front of muggles. This guy is certainly no Voldemort. It’s not like he made one of the kids disappear and then couldn’t bring them back again. Piculas’ job is now doing a disappearing act and he fears that this may stick with him and affect his ability to find employment elsewhere. Well, let’s look at the want ads. Wizards, Wizards. Hmmm. There doesn’t appear to be much. I wonder if Hogwarts is hiring? Dumbeldor’s army is looking for recruits.

In Mayberry, Barney Fife was never allowed to put his one bullet into his gun. Police Chief David Hansen should have had the same rule. Actually I don’t think this guy should be allowed near a loaded gun. During a class in Riverside, Utah, which would enable participants to get their concealed weapons permits, Hansen decided to load his Glock 40. Students say they were nervous when he did it and saw no reason for the action. "We were told the gun is the chief's personal sidearm, but it looked to me like he didn't know anything about the gun," Lewis Walker said, one of the students. It appears his observation may have been correct. He put the gun under a table to disassemble it while it was still loaded and it went off shooting Hansen in the ankle. This proves once again that stupid people, carelessness and loaded weapons just don’t mix. Yes, let’s let Zippy the Pinhead have a gun. The students were lucky he only shot himself. An officer at the scene joked that "instead of shooting himself, he should have used the Taser." I can see where that might have been entertaining. The local police spin on this is that the chief is a hero and that the students are disgruntled. Disgruntled, they’re lucky they weren’t killed. Yes let’s pin medals on morons. It appears they need to rethink who teaches this class, like maybe someone…qualified? They could have learned more from a street hood. This certainly follows the saying, “It’s not the machinery, it’s the operator. If residents are smart, they’ll be applying for their weapons permits in the next town over. Maybe they should downgrade their class demos to a Supersoaker.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080507/ap_on_fe_st/police_chief_shot

Bill Bramanti of Illinois is planning on taking one with him. That’s when he dies. Bramanti is a true beer drinker. And has had his coffin made in the image of a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer can to prove it. This proves you can get absolutely anything these days. Yes, in a thousand years, if archaeologists dig up Bill, they’re going to know what kind of man he was, a beer man. Currently, there’s nothing wrong with Bramanti and he has no intentions of passing on into the great beyond anytime soon. In the meantime, he’s thrown a party and he fills the coffin with ice and beer, Pabst of course. This guy is going to be a riot at tailgate parties. Pull up, flip open your coffin and and start drinking all the soon to be dead soldiers inside. I bet that coffin holds a lot of beer. I wonder, since he’s currently using it as a cooler, is there a spout to drain the water for the ice. This could be a whole new sideline for Coleman. The multipurpose Mega Cooler! A cooler now, a coffin later. He figures, why put such a great piece on the shelf when it can fulfill such a practical purpose while he’s still alive. Bramanti says the coffin is a great fit and yes he has tried it out. It presents some interesting possibilities. Does it come with a pop top? If left unrefrigerated does it get skunky? I supposes shaking it up is a bad idea. If five of his buddies do the same thing can they get buried as a 6-pack? When you buy one, does it come with a complimentary can cozy? When he does pass, I think they should bury him with a 12 to go.

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/hes-got-pabst-blue-ribbon-as-his-shrine/20080505092009990001

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/03/5463391-ap.html

A Japanese civil servant has been demoted for visiting porn sites during work. In a nine month period his computer registered over 780,000 hits! Let’s see that’s nearly 3000 a day, Apparently this is Japan’s tax dollars at work. Godzilla and baseball just didn’t satisfy this guy. The man, whose name is being withheld, worked, well obviously there wasn’t much working going on, for the Kinokawa city government. He’s been demoted, hopefully to a job that doesn’t have an internet hookup. I would wonder what he was thinking, but it is obvious that there was only one thing on his mind. Get a date, go to a bar, buy a blow-up doll. According to his computer log, he registered 170,000 hits in July alone. That must have been one hot summer. He had to be porn’s single best customer. Didn’t this guy have any actual work to do? Nobody had a clue this was going on. Was his job so unimportant that no one ever checked up on him. His porn addiction was only discovered after his computer caught a virus and officials actually viewed his computer log. I wonder how many of those sites the techs bookmarked. This is probably the only time a computer virus did some good. Hopefully the offender is headed for counseling. Truthfully, I think he should have blogged his “Best Sites” and he probably would have been a hit. Then he could have dated porn stars and fulfilled his every fantasy. Before long the book deals would have been rolling in. It would give a new meaning to “Hawt Posts.” You would have been cool instead of just weird. People just don’t think these things out. Wait a minute, maybe I….

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080502/ap_on_fe_st/japan_internet_porn

I guess I wouldn’t have wanted to admit to this either. Kasey Kazee had wrapped his head with duct tape in a vain effort to not be recognized when he robbed an Ashland, Kentucky liquor store. Apparently he didn’t think about how it would feel when he tried to take it back off.  A photo of him shows exactly how stupid this guy is and looks. You can see it by clicking on the link below. Kazee is a Darwin Award looking for a place to happen. There was absolutely no thought processes going on here whatsoever. He went in to rob the clerk with a knife. As he was leaving, he was tackled by another employee of the store and then several patrons of a nearby store ran over and helped subdue him. When the police arrived, they asked the store clerk how much he had stolen, she said she didn’t know, but counting the till revealed that it was $15 short. Dude, you were almost rich. Let’s see, Duct Tape $5.95, first aid for beating you took in the parking lot, $25, court costs $600, being forever known as the Duct Tape Bandit, priceless. Well, it is Kentucky. When he was at the police station, he denied that it was him. His head was wrapped in duct tape and they picked him up at the scene of the crime. What about this says “I didn’t do it?” I must credit the manufacturers of duct tape. Though he was the worse for wear when the patrons subdued him, the duct tape held up excellently. I think they should come up with an ad campaign. “Duct Tape, we never dreamed there were this many uses.”   “Duct Tape the choice of stupid bandits everywhere.” “Duct Tape, It’ll keep your head from falling apart.” ‘Duct Tape, don’t plan your holdup without it.” Fortunately Kazee will be going away for awhile, locked somewhere where he won’t have to use that overtaxed brain of his. Please, God don’t have let him reproduce, though I fear it may already be too late.

See the Duct Tape Bandit, click here:

A good consumer rule is to check the merchandise before you buy it. Brazilian Soccer star for the Milan Strikers and two time world cup winner Ronaldo should have paid attention to that rule when he brought a couple of prostitutes back to his room. Yes there was more than one so Ronaldo had quite a night planned for himself. He was in Brazil to rehab his injured knee and it appears his recovery is going quite well. That was the only thing about this night that would go well.  These weren’t girls from Ipanema. They were transvestites. Oh Horror! Oh Rocky! Yes , Ronaldo had entered the Tranny zone. Once the package was unwrapped, the merchandise wasn’t what he had bargained for. These weren’t soccer balls staring at him. He may have wished they were. Ronaldo, realizing his error tried to get them to leave his motel room by paying them the equivalent of $600 U.S. Instead, one of them wanted several thousand and threatened to go to the media with all of the sordid details. Ah, the plot thickens. The game is afoot. Ronaldo was apparently unimpressed by the threats and there are rumors that an altercation may have insued, though no one has yet made any formal claims. One of the she-males ripped the phone out of the wall so that the police couldn’t be called, but apparently all of the prostitutes weren’t in on the blackmail attempt, only one. No goals scored here. I wonder who gets the game ball? They voluntarily went to the police and related this tale of woe and mistaken gender. Ronaldo, has gone into hiding and is not commenting. I’d hide too after that bit of embarrassment. Keeping his mouth shut can only help. He’s canceled media appearances and is working on his physiotherapy at home. That’s where he should have worked on it in the first place. There are no charges currently pending as prostitution is legal in Brazil, but one may be filed for extortion on the blackmailing prostitute. Maybe he can sue for consumer fraud. How about false advertising? Misleading packaging? So the moral of the story is, wait a minute, this story is devoid of morals, never mind.  

Yes there is no doubt that gas prices are out of hand and have been for quite a long time. So high in fact that a Washington D.C. area resident has come to California to hold “pray-ins” at local service stations. Why he chose California is unknown other than the fact that it is the only place he won’t seem crazy. Well, you were wrong, we still think you’re nuts. Maybe God told him to go there. “Go my son and pray before the pump of Chevron. I shall be waiting. You shall receive a sign. It shall say unto you $4.05 a gallon.” Rocky Twyman, a community organizer, church choir director and public relations consultant from the Washington, D.C. suburbs, is the organizer of the religious protests. "God is the only one we can turn to at this point," said Twyman. "Our leaders don't seem to be able to do anything about it. The prices keep soaring and soaring. God, deliver us from these high gas prices,” So of course he leaves the only place that can do anything about it, Washington D.C. and goes to San Francisco, the loony bin of the U.S. He should fit right in. His previous campaign was to get Oprah Winfrey nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. God wasn’t listening to that one either. I wonder if anybody has checked his medication? Certainly something has to be done about gas prices, but I don’t think group prayer at Chevron stations is going to do it. All that’s going to accomplish is getting frustrated patrons yelling, “Get your damn ass out of the way,” while they’re trying to pull in and fill up. God helps people who help themselves. Instead of asking for divine intervention, it seems like a political movement or boycotts would make a bit more sense. Most of us have been quietly praying that gas doesn’t hit $5.00 a gallon as it is. Hasn’t worked has it? It won’t be long and we’ll be seeing guys with trench coats on the corners speaking in a raspy voice, “Wanna buy some gas?” Why am I having flashbacks of Mad Max? Maybe if Twyman looks close enough he’ll discover Jesus’ face in a gas spill.

http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/04/gas-prices-too-high-it.html

http://www.theboombox.com/2008/04/25/michael-jackson-swears-off-women/?icid=100214839x1200764619x1200027890

A toy company in the Ukraine has come up with an interesting new idea, the Adolf Hitler doll. This 12” movable figure will be quite detailed and come with a variety of accessories. It will have several changes of clothes, you can have either the imposing Third Reich black with the swastika band on the arm or the “classic” brown-shirt early days of Adolf’s rise to power. Heck it’s even supposed to have his dog Blondi, the German Shepard available. Of course the Ukrainian company is causing a lot of controversy with their new product, but like most things it’s all in how you perceive it. You see, I collect action figures and my Captain America action figure could really use Adolf. These Marvel Action figures have 32 points of articulation, He can really kick Adolf’s butt. He’s tired of just chasing around the Red Skull. (For those of you that don’t know, the Red Skull is a perpetual Nazi WWII nemesis of Cap’s.) Now the Skull has someplace to get his orders from. This week’s episode, Can Captain America save Ken and Barbie from being tossed into the Easy-Bake Oven? I can even team him up with GI Joe. Can they stop Hitler from building his dreaded Atlantic Wall around my bathtub? I can even call in Indiana Jones, we all know he says “Nazis I hate those guys.” Yes, I have one of those too. Picture it, what a team-up. How about this, Hitler is resurrected in the future by the Red Skull. It’s now the 2000’s. What he fails to realize is Nick Fury, formerly, Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos, has all of SHIELD and Marvel’s Avengers working for him. Ben Grimm, the Thing,“It’s Clobberin’ Time” from the Fantastic Four,  Ironman, the Hulk, Spiderman, the Human Torch, I have them all. I can even throw in the Silver Surfer for a cosmic power spanking. I’ll have Adolf crying like a baby by the time I’m done. My heroes need a new bad guy. Heck bring ‘em all on, Rommel, Himmler, I’ll even take a Panzer tank. “Hulk Smash.” 

http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=PluckPersona&U=cce7c5f9d55442c7b8aeafa5e07cafe5&plckController=PersonaBlog&plckScript=personaScript&plckElementId=personaDest&plckPersonaPage=BlogViewPost&plckPostId=Blog%3acce7c5f9d55442c7b8aeafa5e07cafe5Post%3a7c4bd04a-c886-4c19-bd7a-877fac11cffb&plckCommentSortOrder=TimeStampAscending&sid=sitelife.app.com

How about some cocktails with your sermon?  In Sidney, Ohio, the Country Rock Church is now holding services in a local pub. Their website promotes: “Top regional bands, pizza, wings, rowdy fun and a short message.” I’ve never known a sermon to be short, but if I’m drunk I don’t care. The ten commandments say nothing about getting loaded during church services. Now that I recall didn’t Jesus drink wine? Wow, a match made in heaven. Their first Sunday night service brought around 100 attendees. I expect it perked up a slow night for the bar. The first sermon compared life with the bar’s mechanical bull. Yee, haw, Ride ‘em cowboy. I bet that idea came after a couple of shots of tequila. Rev. Chris Heckaman says people really seemed to enjoy themselves. Chris, they were drunk. That’s the idea of getting drunk. Now I’ve always understood there are two taboos in a bar. You never talk about religion or politics. But then again, taboos are made to be broken and apparently the Reverend is a live on the edge kind of guy. I wonder if he tried the bull? Do some of the offerings go to tip the barmaids? Can you get up to go pee in the middle of the sermon? Beer can create awfully urgent situations. Do they rename the food for the evening? Fire and brimstone hot wings. The Good God Super Deluxe Pizza. Does the band work up a couple of hymns for the night or do they just stick with the old standards like Ghost Riders in the Sky and Free Bird. I can see where a little Stairway to Heaven could work. The Reverend says they are going to be meeting there every week. So remember, be kind, tip generously, and the Jello shots are on special.  Next week’s sermon – eight ball in the corner pocket!

 You really should check this out! Click the link below for the church website:

http://www.sidneyfirst.com/Discover/CountryRockChurch/tabid/140/Default.aspx

To read the news article about this click this link:

At the Port Smith, Arkansas, Pizza Hut, you could get some special herb with that pizza to go. The manager of the Pizza hut was arrested for selling pot from the drive-thru window. I guess this was one innovative business practice that didn’t sit well. I’ll bet the owner of the pizza parlor will miss him, or at least the extra profits he brought in. I can see the beauty in this. Pick up your munchies along with your sack of weed and never leave the car. “I wanna order 10 supreme pizzas and 36 orders of bread sticks.” “Would you like some sodas for that cotton mouth later?” “Oh yea, thanks man you’re a real lifesaver. I’ll take four, 2 liters.” I wonder if they had a special button to ring that up on. Could you get delivery if you tipped the driver a doobie? The local police, working on a tip raided the manager’s office and found six ounces of marijuana and a digital scale, gotta have that portion control. I bet the tipster got shorted on a bag and complained. Maybe somebody goofed up his order and he got a half-ounce instead of a full one. This concept presents so many possibilities. “We’re running a special tonight. We‘ve got brownies.” How about that special herbed crust? I want to know if you could order a handful cooked right into your pizza  “Hey everybody I got the best pizza in town. It’s the Pizza Hut cannabis deep dish with extra cheese.” I’m sure business has dropped dramatically now that every stoner’s fantasy has been ruined. “Dude, did you hear? We can’t get our pot and pizzas to go any more.” “I hate that. They get a special you really like and they discontinue it. It sucks man. I’m gonna miss that one.”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080421/ap_on_fe_st/odd_drive_through_dope

Prince William has a shiny new helicopter that he simply cannot quit showing off. Of course the British tabloids are having a field day with this, they seem to have a field day with anything the royal family does. I’m surprised they don’t follow them right into the toilet. The newest outrage is that he landed his helicopter in a field outside of his girlfriend’s house. Now of course most guys, when they get a new ride pull up outside of the favorite babes house just to show it off. It seems that just because he’s a prince, he’s no different than the rest of us. “Hi, sweetheart check out the new ride. It’s even got chrome headers and wheels.” Now understand, this is a military helicopter from the Royal Air Force and the Prince has just graduated as a chopper pilot earlier this month.  Thus the flap. Some are saying that it’s frivolous use of military resources. Hey, wake up. He owns it. He’s the Prince. It’s still a monarchy, the chopper belongs to him. Besides, I probably would have done the same thing. This can only make him look hot. It’s not everybody that can buzz by in his own chopper that’s armed to the teeth. “Hey babe, anybody bothers you, you just give me a call. I got it covered.” It gives a whole new meaning to don’t mess with my girl. Now the other incident he’s being criticized for is picking his brother Harry up in the chopper and flying over to a bachelor party. Now there is no way this is not a hit at a bachelor party. I’ve been to them, we would have loved to have a helicopter. Strippers, booze, porno videos and a helicopter with a rocket launcher, how is this not cool. We might even have gotten drunk and fired that puppy off a couple of times. “Oops, was that the neighbor’s new snowmobile.?” “He’s going to miss that.”All William is doing is proving he’s human like the rest of us and would like to have a good time. I think if American politicians would lighten up and do some of this silly stuff from time to time, we’d like them better. I wonder if William can play saxophone like Bill Clinton. I sort of miss that.

Ok, this is a sport I have never tried, nor am I going to. Jumping off a bridge and nearly bashing my head into the ground has never been my idea of a good time. I’ll stick with beer and football. But apparently a South African man decided to make a jump with a bungee rope made entirely out of condoms, 18,500 of them. Number one that’s a lot of trips to the drug store. How do you explain that you want to buy over 18,000 condoms. “Do you sell condoms in bulk?” “Lubricated or non? Ribbed for her pleasure or yours?” “The strongest you have, I don’t want them to break.” “How many?” “!9,000. I don’t want to come up short.” “Would you like some Viagra to go with that.” “No I’m bungee jumping.” If he wasn’t the talk of the town before, you can bet he was after that purchase. Carl Dionisio, the brainchild behind this says he spent four months knotting them all together with a friend, who helped. He says the cord was based on a complicated mathematical formula he’d worked out. What about a condom would prompt a person to contemplate math. I suspect alcohol was involved. The formula was probably worked out on a bar napkin. They say they had difficulty tying the rope as the knots kept slipping out. Condoms are meant to slip out, repeatedly.  Dionisio says he did it because he wanted to recreate that “virgin buzz” of his first jump. I suspect even more alcohol was involved. His homemade rope apparently did work since I didn’t take this from his obituary. This gives a whole new meaning to hoping your condom doesn’t break. Think of the advertising concepts for condom companies. Think of the secondary market! They’re not just for casual sex anymore. The condom of bungee jumpers everywhere. Could this be a recycling market? Ick, gross, maybe not.

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/world/article.html?in_article_id=143942&in_page_id=64

The old saying goes, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. For hip-hop star Akon, that just might not be true. In a scandal that is sure to rock the musical world, it has been discovered that Grammy winner Akon alias Aliuane Badara Thiam isn’t really a bad ass. In reality, he may have been an Eagle scout that helped little old ladies cross the street. Akon’s first single record release, “Locked Up” was supposed to have been an autobiographical song about being sent to the slam for drug dealing. He claims to have spent four and a half years in prison for a variety of felonies including running a high profile car theft operation, making him an instant hit with the bad boy “gangsta” crowd. Apparently, background checks have revealed a past so scandalous, that it will rock the music world worse than Milli Vanilli did in the 80’s. Yes it’s all a lie. He swiped a Beemer. Charges were dropped. In reality, he’s a good boy. Oh horror. He’s about as bad ass as Vanilla Ice. Minor brushes with the law have provided enough of a record to show he was on probation once. Yep, that’s it, milk and cookies. He made it all up. While most of the world tries to hide their criminal past with pleas of “I didn’t do it,” Akon felt he needed one to be popular. Next thing he’ll be claiming to have killed Jimmy Hoffa just to keep his career alive. Now that this has come out, he will probably end up in some club somewhere singing old Tony Bennett tunes. Maybe Disney will pick him up for High School Musical 3 or get him to sing a title song for a new animated flop. Motown records isn’t answering questions about this and who can blame them. What are they going to say “Sorry, we thought he was a crook.”

Today’s topic is the renaming of Area 51. You know, the “top-secret” Air Force Base in Nevada where they supposedly hid all of the space aliens. The place is also known as Groom Lake, this facility has been a long time source of a good bit of speculation and mystery.  It has been an even bigger source of denial.  First, since the completion of the base sometime in the early 1950’s until 1994 our government denied that the base existed at all.  We didn’t believe them, of course.  And we speculated about what the place might really be and, more importantly why they denied its existence.  Then they said it was a common research facility, we didn’t believe that either, at least the common part anyway. Then it was just a plain Air Force Base. Yea right. Of course now that the U.S. government has finally acknowledged its existence, they have decided to give it an actual name: Homey Airport. It has such a nice down home feel to it doesn’t it. So common, easily overlooked, nothing special about it. The Air Force claims it has no idea where the name comes from, apparently that too is classified, top secret and they’re not allowed to talk about it. I think the idea was to give the place a more hip, up-to-date feel. You know, stationed at “Homey with my homies.” But, as usual the Government is behind the times since the word “homey went out with the ‘90’s along with Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer and “In Living Color.” Maybe it’s a new Air Force plan to gloss over the fact you’re going to be stationed in the most God forsaken place on earth, the Nevada desert. “We’re sending you here, there’s absolutely no one around, nothing to do, you can never talk about it and you’ll never see the light of day again. But, it’s a nice Homey place. You’re going to love it.” Since the recent rash of UFO sightings in Texas and California, maybe they think the new name will attract Aliens better. Possibly a slogan like: “Homey Airport! We’ll leave the landing lights on for you.”

To read the article about this announcement by the Air Force, go here:

http://www.airforcetimes.com/news/2008/01/airforce_area51_newname_080122w/