WHEN DID GOLF BECOME A CONTACT SPORT?

Ah, the sport of gentlemen. Yes Golf, that game that commands respect, courtesy and reserve. I can see it now, the crowds hushed, the intense putt on the 18th hole, I’m getting sleepy just thinking about it. Well it seems, on a course in western Pennsylvania some older players were trying to reinvent the sport. How, you ask? With good old American violence. Yes, now I’m waking up. This is an actual quote from the local police: “The incident started when one of two men drove a ball from the No. 15 tee. Instead of going straight, the ball veered toward four men on the No. 14 fairway. It's unknown if the two yelled "fore" to warn the four men or if the stray shot hit anyone. Apparently the two men from the 15th tee went over and asked for their ball back. The four men on the 14th hole decided to give them tips on how not to hit them in the future. That’s when the fight broke out. Here’s where the clever reinvention comes in. The twosome, elderly gentlemen of 71 an 62 years of age, started beating the crap out of the foursome…apparently with their clubs. Two of the foursome ended up in the hospital. Sound familiar? What other sport thrives on beating each other with blunt instruments? Yes it’s that Canadian great…Hockey. I can see it now. We’ll call it Gockey. No ice, but all the fun of a good goal line brawl. Picture it, Tiger Woods checks his opponent into the water trap. On the next hole the offended opponent hits him from behind chucking him head first into the sand trap. Now that’s a sport! I think these old guys might be on to something. We don’t have to forget the ladies here either. Instead of sand traps, how about mud pits! Instead of those dorky polo shirts, bikinis. You knew I was goin there didn’t you. We’ll finally have it when the top money winner for the PGA smiles and he has three missing teeth and a nose that goes in two different directions.

For the story that inspired this bit of speculation, go here: