KEITH RICHARDS, DAD'S ASHES AND 1001 WOMEN

Keith Richards of Rolling Stones fame, if you don’t know who this is, you’re as dead as Keith looks, has come clean, again, about having snorted his father’s ashes. First he said he did, then he said he didn’t, now he’s back to did. It must be that drug memory thing. Apparently, Keith will put absolutely anything up his nose. I can’t even imagine this, nor would it occur to me to try. Apparently his dad played “got your nose” one too many times with him when he was a kid. This is a quote from Keith: “'I opened my dad's ashes and some of them blew out over the table, just because of the suction of the lid, you know what I mean? I looked at my dad's ashes down there and – what am I gonna do? Do I desecrate them with a dustbin and broom? So I wet me finger and I shoved a little bit of Dad up me hooter. The rest of them I put round an oak tree, which is coming up a treat. And I'm sure he's still blessing me.” The fact that he has no brain functions left is clearly demonstrated here. I have a suggestion, Keith, put them back in the urn. Mixing the ashes with snot is not a memorial, it’s just gross. Next thing you know their next album will feature a tune called “Snort me up.” Actually I’ve always felt that Keith’s brain stopped functioning and flat-lined some time ago. His body is so pickled from alcohol and drugs that it continues to function without the need of firing synapses. Sort of like the dinosaur that doesn’t realize it’s dead yet. They can save the formaldehyde at this funeral. Keith has claimed for years that heroin is the cure for the common cold, because he’s never had a cold. I say it’s because nothing could possibly live in that bloodstream. Of course many things about Keith’s life are questionable. Bill Wyman, bass player for the Stones says that Keith has slept with over 1000 women. Keith says he was never in it for the body count and has no idea how many have crossed his mattress. Has anybody looked at this guy. I suspect the only reason he got any was because he’s a rock star and Mick was busy. The reason he doesn’t know is he has the memory of a tuna. It’s a miracle he knows his name. It’s a miracle he’s alive. Is Keith Richards the source of miracles on earth? Oh my, I’ve found a cornflake in his image.

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http://www.metro.co.uk/fame/article.html?in_article_id=143486&in_page_id=7